Afraid
by Kiki Warbler
Summary: When the center of the John's universe is suddenly shattered, an unlikely source picks up the pieces


**A/N: **Again, I edited the song to fit the story. The song is 'Miss Murder' by AFI. I wrote it as I interpreted it. I don't own John, Ted, Phil or Mike Mizanin, though I'd want too! Read and review…I love it.

_Hey Miss Murder can I?_

_Hey Miss Murder can I?_

_Make beauty stay if I_

_Take my life_

_Whoa-oh-oh_

"No! He's not gone! He's not dead!"

John Hennigan shouted to the casket that lay in the dirt. He dropped down to his knees and looked at the ground and stroked the headstone. He was John's whole life, and to have done this was completely unforgivable. He punched the mound of dirt that was on the ground and shoved the aviator glasses he was wearing aside. He felt the restraining arms of his friends Mike Mizanin and Phil Brooks holding him back and he shoved them aside. He needed to grieve in peace and he needed to just know that the love of his life wasn't six-feet-under. He was sobbing uncontrollably, and Mike knelt down with him and held him as he sobbed.

"He's gone, Johnny. And I know you don't want to accept that, but you have to. Teddy's gone."

"I know. I know Mike, but that should've been me. I was supposed to be at home with him! If I were at home, I could've talked him down from this!"

"No Johnny, I don't think anyone could've talked him down from it. It was his decision, and nothing any of us would've said would have stopped him."

And John knew it was true. He knew that he would've killed himself even if he'd tried to stop him. John pushed away from Mike and stood up, brushing the dirt off of his jeans. Mike and Phil followed and watched as he got into his car. They didn't know what John was doing, but John did. He leaned forward and pulled three things out of the glove compartment of his car. A knife, a rose, and a picture of him and Ted DiBiase, Jr. The man he committed his life to forever, the one that was laying in the coffin that was now beneath the mound of dirt.

"I'm sorry Teddy. I'm sorry I let you down. That I didn't save you sooner. And I'm sorry I didn't love you enough. I'm coming to be with you."

He said, as he pulled out of the parking spot he was in. He drove back to their house in Florida and sighed. It was where John and Mike had found him, and the note hanging just inside their bedroom closet. He wasn't going to that extreme, no. He wasn't going to hang himself. That's what the knife was for. He went and fed the dog, grabbed the bottle of Jameson whiskey that Ted kept for special occasions and drank a half a glass then scrawled a note.

_Mike, _

_I'm going to be with Teddy. Please, don't try and stop me, it's pretty worthless to do. Because I've said it before and I'll say it again. A life without Teddy isn't a life at all. Thanks for the support over the last week. You've been an amazing friend. Thanks for everything._

_John._

He posted the note on the front door, and walked back into the bedroom clutching the picture of him and Ted. For him, there was no life without Ted. He took the knife to his wrists and let the agony that overtook his heart, have him.

_With just a look they shook_

_And heavens bowed before him_

_Simply a look can break your heart_

_The stars that pierce the sky;_

_He left them all behind_

_We're left to wonder why_

_He left us all behind_

"_Whoa…is this what it looks like?"_

_John asked as he walked down a familiar street. It was the street that he'd grown up on, in Los Angeles. He could smell the beach just a few blocks away. He could see his parents standing outside yelling at him to keep an eye on his sisters. He remembered rolling his eyes at them, and then the scene before him changed. It was the day he and Teddy met. They were in Fort Worth, Texas at a show for WWE when they'd met. John felt his heart flutter when he saw Teddy. He reached out to touch him, but got frustrated when he realized that he couldn't. The scene before him changed again, and this time it was their first date. _

"_Johnny, will you dance with me?"_

_Ted asked him. John watched the scene before him. He remembered them dancing, and then the mini tiff that they'd had. They patched it up, and then the scene changed. And Teddy was on the phone with him. Johnny hadn't seen Ted's last moments, and he realized that this was one of his last moments. _

"_Hi honey, it's me."_

"_Hey Teddy! God I miss you!"_

"_I miss you too, what are you doing?"_

"_Sitting here on the sofa. I love you, you know that right?"_

"_I do. And I love you too. Are you okay, Teddy? You seem kind of off."_

"_I'm fine. I have to go, remember how much I love you."_

_And then the scene changed again. And this time the scene was a meadow of wildflowers. He'd finally gotten to where he needed to be. He saw Teddy was standing on a hill. He was in the outfit that he'd been buried in. Tight jeans, and even tighter t-shirt. He turned to look and saw a look of shock on his face._

"_Johnny….what are you doing here?"_

"_I came to be with you, Teddy. I can't live without you."_

"_Johnny…you have to go back…."_

_And suddenly the dream faded…._

_Hey Miss Murder can I?_

_Hey Miss Murder can I?_

_Make beauty stay if I_

_Take my life_

_Whoa-oh-oh_

_(Ohhh)_

Mike looked at the door and the note hanging on the door. His eyes widened and he took the note off of the door.

"Shit…"

He said, dialing Phil's number. He didn't realize John was going to do something this drastic. He read the note over the phone to Phil and jiggled the doorknob as he realized that it was open. Phil stopped by a few minutes later, and they walked in together. This was déjà vu to Mike, because he'd done the same thing with John a week before. They walked into the bedroom and saw John out cold on the bed, bleeding from the wrists. Phil covered his mouth then walked out of the bedroom to make a phone call. Mike knelt down and shook him.

"Johnny, Johnny come on…wake up. This isn't the way to do it…"

Mike was afraid that they hadn't made it on time. He looked like he'd been bleeding for awhile. He didn't realize that John was going to do it. He knew that he'd gone off the deep end while he was mourning Ted. Phil came back into the room a few minutes later and was carrying some bandages and some peroxide. He'd called the paramedics, but they were no help. So, he'd told Mike that they'd have to take him in themselves. Mike picked up John and carried him out to the car. Phil had wrapped his wrists up and sat with him in the back seat, stroking his hair. He kept trying to get him to wake up, as Mike drove to the hospital…but John was somewhere else.

"_I can't go back, Teddy. Not without you."_

_Ted stepped forward and reached out to stroke John's face. John grabbed his hand and let it linger there. Ted smiled at seeing him on this side of the world. He sighed and looked at John for a little while, then sat on the grassy knoll. John watched and sat down next to him. Ted took his hand and started speaking._

"_Johnny, this life is not for you."_

"_You're what I want. You're my life."_

"_I used to believe that. I used to believe that our love could get me through anything. Then my professional career started falling apart. I got that concussion from Ron and everything went downhill. You fucked up your ankle, we ended up on the IR and that's when it started. It was like I couldn't live up to anyone's expectations. So I did it. I wrote the note, and then hung myself. But you have so much to live for, Johnny. Look."_

_Ted said, showing John what was going on with his body. He showed John that Phil and Mike were trying to bring him back to them. John was shocked that people would do this for him, especially these two men. He shook his head. He wasn't going back to them, he wasn't. He was where he needed to be. Where he wanted to be. And he looked back at Ted._

"_You don't want me here?"_

"_Of course I want you here, Johnny. But that'd mean I'd be selfish. I think that you'd be utilized so much better down there. WWE fans love you, your mom and dad love you, your sisters love you. I love you. And I'll be here for you."_

_And then he let go of John. He stood up, and walked away. John chased him, but he didn't get far. He watched as the scene before him faded away._

_Dreams of his crash won't pass_

_Oh, how they all adored him_

_Beauty will last when spiraled down_

_The stars that mystify_

_He left them all behind_

_And how his children cried_

_He left us all behind_

"Phil?"

A quiet voice said. Phil looked down and noticed that John's eyes were open. He continued stroking his hair and kissing his forehead softly. It didn't bother John that Phil was kissing him.

"Johnny. God, what happened?"

He said, showing them that he was awake. Well, just the one person, because Mike had skipped out a couple hours before. John recognized the fact that he was laying in the hospital and that Phil was with him. He smiled at him and thanked god he had someone to talk to about what was happening in his mind. He struggled to sit up and smiled when Phil helped him. He smiled softly, and began talking.

"I couldn't live without him. I wanted to be with him, because I was so baffled that he'd do this. But I saw him, Phil. I mean really saw him. I saw him when I was under. He wouldn't be selfish."

"I know. Teddy never had a selfish bone in his body. Never. And I believe that you saw him. I know that things aren't okay with you."

"I did it because I needed to see him one last time. I needed that closure, Phil. I needed him to tell me that it was okay to continue living. I know I say that I couldn't live without Teddy, but it will be easier now."

Phil took John's hand and just sat there with him. They talked about how he was feeling, and how he was coping, and how much he really wanted to move on from Ted having a stranglehold on his life. Ted was gone now, and he wasn't coming back. Phil left a few minutes later with the promise of coming back. John lay in bed when he heard the voice speak to him.

"_Forever Hennigan. I'll love you. It's time to move on."_

And right then he knew that whatever happened, happened. Because he had Teddy's blessing.

_What's the hook, the twist_

_Within this verbose mystery?_

_I would gladly bet my life upon it_

_That the ghost you love, your ray of light_

_Will fizzle out, without hope_

_We're the empty set just floating through, wrapped in skin_

_Ever searching for what we were promised_

_Reaching for that golden ring we'd never let go_

_But who would ever let us put our filthy hands upon it?_

John walked back to Ted's gravesite a couple of weeks later. He sat down on the grass and looked at the headstone. It was simple, and quaint. The way he'd want it.

**Theodore Marvin DiBiase, Jr. **

**November 8, 1982-June 4, 2010**

**Brother, Lover, Son, Friend**

**Gone but not forgotten**

"Teddy. My Teddy. I've got to tell you something."

"_Okay, go ahead."_

He heard the wind whisper. He sighed, then started on. He needed to tell him what was going on. To get a kind of closure for the relationship that was flourishing. He sat there fidgeting until he finally got the nerve up to say what he was feeling.

"Teddy, I met someone. Well, not really met, but he was there for me when I tried to slit my wrists. It's Phil. Phil Brooks became my savior. Teddy, I need you to be happy for me."

He said, kissing the tips of his fingers and pressing it to the headstone. He was about to get up when he heard the voice again. And this time, it made sense to him. He could move on with his life, without worrying what Teddy would think. It was time to let Teddy go.

"_Go Johnny, be free."_

He froze in place. But it was then he knew he could push forward, and be free. And that was all he wanted.

_Hey Miss Murder can I?Hey Miss Murder can I?Make beauty stay if I,Take my life?Whoa-oh-ohhHey Miss Murder can I?Hey Miss Murder can I?Make beauty stay if I,Take my life?Whoa-oh-ohh_

-The end


End file.
